Facing your Fears

I am afraid of heights.

Maybe not any more than most people... I look down and feel nauseous, my knees a little weak. It's definitely fear I'm feeling, though maybe not quite having thoughts of plunging to a painful, messy death. I'm not that bad. Any more.

The view from the bridge.

In my youth I missed out on a couple cool experiences because being up really high up was quite literally paralyzing. First (and only) time I went up the glass elevator in the CN Tower I was glued to the back wall, hyperventilating, and had to be pulled off when we reached the top. It was terrifying. I didn't think a fear like that was anything I could get over, and yet I did. Every time I was faced with a height that scared me, I took a deep breath and went anyway, focusing on what was directly in front of me instead of that potential disaster. Little by little the fear dissipated, and the next time I could go a little bit higher.

When I first saw the pictures of the bridge going over the Coaticook gorge my first thought was sure, no problem. I can do that. When we drove past it on the way into the park, I was having second thoughts. Holy shit that was high up (according to the website, it's 50m). When I paid my park admission I still wasn't sure I could do it. When we got to the bridge I hesitated again... wtf was I doing? A few deep breaths... and out I stepped. When I got to the middle I stopped... the view was breathtaking. The rocky gorge, the rushing water, the trees growing out of the rock. It was so worth it.

I've done a lot of things over the years that have scared the crap out of me. I've gotten through them all, and most have proven to be a great experience. I took classes in France. I've travelled to many places on my own. I bought a house (believe it or not, signing the mortgage papers caused me a huge amount of anxiety). I changed jobs after almost 20 years at the same company. I flew across the country to take a week long art workshop on my own. All were challenging, but ultimately good for me. I try to keep this in mind when faced with something new and a little scary. New experiences make life more interesting, and I've always had a low boredom threshold.

I found a few of these along the path.

When we were in Quebec for my uncle's funeral, we spent some time exploring the area and checking out the little towns around the Eastern townships. What a beautiful spot. When my husband first threw out the idea that maybe we could move there after we retire, my first thought was of course not... how could I manage in french? I can order a coffee, but I can't carry on a conversation. How could I continue my art business? What about my network of art people? How would I manage? But after thinking about it.... why couldn't we? It's in the same country, with means there is no immigration crap to deal with. I can learn french. Much of my art business is done online. Video chat can keep me in touch with my friends. I can make new friends. And Montreal has a vibrant art community. It could be a lot of fun, and really good for me.

While this is not a thing that is definitely in my future, I have not ruled it out. It's actually kinda fun to think about... I have visions of plein air painting at a lake with a mountain view. Sharing wine and cheese with a bunch of Quebec artists, planning an event. Spending time with family I haven't seem more than once a year in my entire life. It could be good.

I know one thing... I can't let fear stop me.

The beautiful Cherry River... part of a protected wetland.

New Painting: Sunday Afternoon

"Sunday Afternoon", 10x10" mixed media on wood panel. Available. 

Earlier this summer I spent a couple weeks in Quebec. It was a wind-down kind of vacation... we didn't have much planned, we did the AirBnB thing so we would have a kitchen and not have to eat out every meal, we spent time with family and I my husband and I had a chance to spend some quality time together.

With my guy being big on fly-fishing, I decided to take some art gear with me to keep me occupied while he was out on the river. The spots were so scenic, I enjoyed the time in nature just sketching and taking photos. I got some great pics for inspiration. I also got some ideas for doing a few paintings when I got home.

My travels have really inspired my art. With this trip under my belt, I thought it may be time for me to try doing some actual landscapes. Never much one for realism, I knew abstraction would be the path I had to take. Literal depictions don't work for me... I wanted to relate how the landscape makes me feel, rather than what it looks like.

"Sunday Afternoon" is the first of a few I have started. This one came together fairly quickly... although at first I didn't realize what I was painting. I had worked on it the other direction, doing my usual thing with dark/light and composing a pleasing arrangement of shapes. I had it drying on a shelf when I caught sight of it the other way and knew this was supposed to be a landscape and not an abstract. A couple quick additions and it was finished.

I have a few more abstract landscapes in the works to be ready to debut at the Arts on the Credit Tour in September. I've even started a new page for them on my website. They will be available as prints as they get finished and photographed, and I'll get the originals on there after the tour. I'm having fun with this genre, so I may continue on for a bit. I'm only half way through my 100 Square Project, so there's lots of room to add a few abstract landscapes to the series.

Travel as Inspiration

The Bonaventure river in northern Quebec. I sat on these rocks sketching for hours. My backside went completely numb.

Every summer of my childhood, my family of 6 would pile into our station wagon and make the 8hr drive from Mississauga to the Eastern Townships, in Quebec, to visit my grandmother. Being the youngest and the smallest, I would get to camp out in the back with the family dog, separated from my siblings by all the gear. I'd have a sleeping bag and a pillow, paper, crayons and a pile of books. I'd lie back there, listen to the music, stare out the window and daydream. 

Note: This was before seatbelt laws, when you could do that kind of thing and not get arrested. Don't try sticking your kid in the back now unless there is a proper seat with a seatbelt. We would sometimes ride in the back of pickup trucks too. And I'm pretty sure you could get on a motorbike without a helmet if you wanted. It was the 70s.

The fabulous hallway in the Abbey of
St. Benoit du Lac. They make cheese there.
Amazing cheese. We came home
with a cooler full

The Appalachian mountain range runs through the eastern part of Quebec. The highway that connects Toronto to Montreal is a beautiful drive (when you are not actually in either city), with the road being like a valley that had been blasted out of solid rock. As a kid I loved watching those rock walls fly past... I imagined I could see things emerging from them... faces, animals, birds... I always wanted to get out and touch them. Just run my hands over the jagged edges and veins of colour, maybe see if the life I saw was actually there. Of course that never happened. It'd be a death wish to stop on the side of the 401. My dad knew that, but I was always a little disappointed. 

We took my mom along for this trip. We were going to her childhood home and she hadn't been back in probably close to a decade. It was an interesting experience for me... I got to hear stories from her youth I had never heard before. We went places she remembered but I had never been to. The area took on new meaning for me. It was always where family was, a summer get-away spot, but seeing it as an adult meant seeing it for what it had become. And I totally fell in love. 

Waterfall a short drive and a 5km hike through the woods
from where we were staying in St. Siméon. Was totally worth it. 

We went a little further than we had before, since it really was my first time seeing the province as an adult. My husband's family is from Newfoundland, so we met up with them in the Gaspé for a visit. The men in the family are avid fly-fishermen, and this is Salmon season. Happy to report my guy caught a 25lb-er. No photos... given his history with dropping his phone in the river (it's happened twice now), there was no way in hell I would let him take his phone with him if I was there to stop it. Unfortunately I slept in that morning and didn't go. Hopefully he will forgive me one day.

Travel is a way to experience things outside my everyday existence. Being immersed in a different culture brings new and surprising revelations about how we live in comparison to others. Having lived in the Toronto area my entire adult life, I spend much of my time dealing with things that are the norm for city dwellers... pollution, traffic, crowds, concrete, skyscrapers, and angry people (everyone always seems to be angry)... my everyday consists of driving through traffic to a job where I am surrounded by people then back home where I attempt to carve out a place of tranquility for my family. My place to commune with nature is my backyard, and the occasional jaunt to the local park by Lake Ontario, which I cannot even ride my bike to without risking my life.  Every time I visit somewhere smaller and less chaotic, I see a difference that convinces me that we are doing it wrong here. Life can be a whole lot less stressful if we just adopt a different version of what success looks like. 

I returned from my holiday refreshed and relaxed, and ready create. I imagine my work will change, much like it did after my month in Portugal in 2017. I have many new images to pull from, and new memories to inspire me. 

The Abbey at St. Benoit du Lac

A field overlooking Lake Memprémagog, with the mountains in the distance.

A beach along the coast of the Gaspé Peninsula. Look at those rocks. What a colour. 

The setting sun on the Gaspé. 

Rainy Day Blues

I went to New York City this past summer. When I was there I was captivated by the buskers around the city, from the classical guitarist in the Brooklyn subway station to the phenomenal singer we saw in Central Park. On the one day it rained, there was a busker in front of the MET, playing sax in the pouring rain. I snapped a couple photos... and then did this, based on my photos and memories of the day.

Rainy Day Blues
24x30"  Acrylic on canvas

NYC in pictures

How fantastic is this detail? 

This entire building is really cool... triangular shaped, hence the name.

Even a fire escape can be interesting.

This one is a little more ornate

I really love this design... maybe I'll carve myself a stamp or something...

Harlem... buildings from the 1890s, according to our tour guide Doris (who was fantastic
and full of interesting details. Go to HarlemOneStop for tour info).

Another great brownstone in Harlem... how beautiful is this?

And then there was this guy. I've read about him before... I should have stopped and gotten a poem. Hopefully I can find him again next time.  :)

New York, New York

I recently spent a very busy, culture filled week in New York City. I love New York... I went here once with my parents as a teenager and have been wanting to go back ever since. I took well over 500 photos (isn't digital photography wonderful?), so this will be a first installment. The architecture is absolutely wonderful. The fact that those fantastic buildings have been preserved and restored (and not torn down) is truly amazing... definitely had some forward thinking politicians at some point in their history. And I can see how the influence of all that art deco might find itself creeping into some of my projects. 

This would only happen to me... suitcase came flying
off the conveyor belt, doing a backflip onto the centre section.
Had to find someone in baggage handling to retrieve it for me.

The trip started off on a bit of a panic-stricken note... We had decided to fly from Buffalo instead of Toronto, mainly because of cost. Seemed easy enough, but crossing the border proved to be very time consuming. To the point of having us actually running through the airport to get there before they shut the gate, like you would see in a movie. Thankfully we made it... only to have a small mishap with our luggage on the other end. All sorted, we caught a train out to the apartment we rented in Brooklyn for the week, and then off to see the city.

New York Skyline from the top of the Rockefeller  Centre

The Empire State at night

Brooklyn Bridge

Duke honoured in NYC with a statue in
Central Park

He even has a street named after him

The Apollo theatre in Harlem,
where Ella Fitzgerald got her start.

Street Art in Little Italy

Van Gogh at the Met. Apparently, you are supposed
to stand BEHIND the line. But look at this brushwork...
it's just asking you to get up close.

Memorial at Ground 0. 

This guy played in the pouring rain to entertain us as we waited in line to get into the MET.
He's so going to be a painting.  :)