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| Recent addition to an old journaling project in a recycled children's board book. |
2023 was a stressful year for me.
Of the “major life stressors”, I sure checked a lot of boxes in those last few months. Lost a job? Check. Death of a loved one? Check. Sell a home? Check again. Of course the home wasn’t one I lived in, my mom did, but I owned it and she had lived there quite a while and it was filled with memories. So yeah, that one was stressful too.
When my mom passed away suddenly, I quickly became aware that she she was struggling more than I had realized. I knew she was having mobility issues and was probably not going to be able to live on her own for much longer. What I didn't know is she had neglected some important things, and those things fell on me to sort out. It’s taken time and a lot of sleepless nights, but I’ve gotten a handle on it all…. I think…. and now I’m dealing with the exhaustion that comes from having so much happen in such a short timespan.
So…. now what?
Well, the job thing sorted itself out, so I’m good on that front. The condo sold quickly and I’ve dealt with the majority of my mom’s possessions. I’ve still got a few boxes hanging around to deal with, but the disaster zone in my own house has been more or less cleared out. The reduction of chaos certainly has helped my mindset.
Over the past several months I have completely stepped away from social media, and creating in general. It just didn’t seem important with everything else looming. It probably hurt my business more than I realize, but I had to do it for my mental health. Something had to give, and my art business was what I chose to put on the back burner. Of course stepping out of creative life has it’s drawbacks, and now that I’m ready to get back to it, finding a place to start has been a challenge.
Artists tend to flock together, and a new artist friend proposed an opportunity that seemed perfectly timed. She suggested a shared journaling/bookmaking project, and since I felt ready to get back to creative life, I accepted the challenge. It’s still been difficult to get myself going. We set an approximate date for the first part to be completed, but when we had our check in I still hadn’t started. We pushed it out a few more weeks to accommodate my apathy, and I’m happy to report I’m almost there. Motivation is still really low, but it’s a task that can be broken down into small sections that I can tackle with a small time commitment, so that’s how I’m doing it… in small 10 minute chunks.
I’ve also dug out a box of old journaling projects that I never got around to completing, and I plan to work through some of those in between this other project. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, and eventually I will get back to myself. It may be a different version of myself, but that’s ok. You can’t have a year like I had and not come out of it somewhat changed.
I’m taking the year off from shows and art fairs so I can focus on learning and having fun. I have abandoned half finished paintings that I may or may not get back to, but I’m ignoring that for now and just doing what feels right. I may not go back to social media any time soon, but I will try to remember to post something from time to time, and to see what all my virtual friends are doing. Hope y’all have been having more fun than me.
