Unexpected Inspiration

 

"Tessa", 11x14" mixed media on wood panel. 

My sister paints animals. Her style is very different than mine... she paints realisitic acrylics, or etherial watercolours, always with the animal front and center. Not my thing, but it works for her, and she's quite good at it. She recently started this "a dog a day" project, intending to loosen up her brushwork. I've been watching her progression on Instagram. It's fun. 

My son's girlfriend has two lovely dogs that come to visit us now and then. We are huge dog people, but don't have one of our own right now. We had two, but their passing was very hard on us, so we decided to just take care of other people's dogs until we felt ready to get one of our own. That day may not come... we like having "loaner" dogs. No vet bills, we can take vacations without having to dig up someone willing to take them, no early morning runs in negative something temperatures in the winter, but we still get to have one visit from time to time. It's been working for us. 

When I asked my kid if he had any photos of his girlfriend's dogs around to send to my sister, he sent me a bunch. Tessa is a chocolate lab and is quite photogenic. One of those shots inspired me to paint. I thought about doing a copy of the photo, but decided to take the idea that inspired me... the flowers on her head... and another more portrait type of image and blend them together. It worked out great.

This is the first painting I've completed since my mother passed. It's a bit of a milestone for me... I haven't had even the slightest desire to paint in the better part of a year. It was one of those "I know I should do this for my own wellbeing" kind of things, that I just couldn't motivate myself to actually do. That this one really came out of nowhere was an unexpected gift. It got me over that initial hurdle. I think I'm finally ready to get back to some of the unfinished pieces I have lying around my studio. 

Now I just have to figure out how to post them without them being scraped and used to train some AI program. 

Looking back to move forward

 

Me and my siblings on a family holiday, many years ago. I'm the kid scowling in the red shorts. 

One of the things I've been doing since my mom passed away is digitizing all the old family photos. I found a box of slides and old home movies in my mom's closet, and upon further inspection realized I had never seen any of these before. I didn't even know they existed. 

It's been a strange experience. Some of the photos have triggered long buried memories... places and people I barely remembered, events and family trips long forgotten. At one point I found myself sobbing at my dining room table as memories flooded in, some of them not very pleasant. I have resolved to finish this project, regardless of what it triggers for me. I'm in my 50s...there will never be a better time to deal with my unresolved feelings than right now. 

Art has always been something therapeutic for me. Creating something keeps me in the present moment, totally focused on what I'm doing. I always feel better when I'm done. I learned many years ago that I'm not good at journaling, even though I know it's a good tool for sorting through my feelings. Visual journaling is a different thing though... I can draw and paint, using symbolism, scale and compositional tools to express what I'm feeling. Even when I don't know exactly what I'm feeling. 

Me and my oldest sister, Sandy, many many years ago.

I first got into the whole art journaling thing when I went to the last ArtFest in 2012 (right around the time I started this blog). I made my first few books myself, following a video by Teesha Moore I had found on YouTube. It took me some time to find my voice, and since then I've usually had a book going, often more of a sketchbook for painting in than an actual "journal". I enjoy making these little books... i can experiment freely and if something doesn't work it isn't a big deal. I don't often show them to anyone except maybe another artist friend, and when they're done they get tossed into a box that I will sift through when I'm stuck for ideas. 

I think the next book I make will revolve around these old family photos, and will be an actual art journal, not just a painted book. Roots, connection and Family are recurring themes in my work and in my books, even though perhaps not in such a direct way as to reference my own, actual birth family. Maybe the time has come for me to confront these feelings head on, instead of dancing around it in terms of theme and generalized "ideas". 

The main difference is really only adding personal writing to the books, which in all honesty I actually do in a lot of my work, although it usually  becomes illegible as the writing layers get covered with collage and paint. Leaving it legible would expose vulnerabilities I've kept quite deeply hidden my entire life, and anyone with 3 older siblings would understand why. Exposing something that could hurt you almost certainly will be used to hurt you in one way or another, at some point. But by not allowing my true self to be seen, I also run the risk of nobody know the "real me" as opposed to the person I choose to present. "Unmasking" has been something I've made a point to do more of in the last decade or so... as the internet wisdom goes, at my age, I no longer have any fucks to give. I am who I am, and anyone who doesn't like it does not need to be a part of my life. I will do my best to let this authenticity step forward for this project, and be the central factor. 

You may or may not see pictures of the finished project. I doubt I will film it's creation as this is a deeply personal project. But I will have stuff to share in the future. I've taken a huge step back from the cesspool that is social media, as the constant negativity and borage of advertisements has affected my mental health. So the blog is going to make a resurgence.

I always liked the long form posting anyway. 

Sketchbook Tips from Gary Panter

I found this reposted on a tumbler, and discovered that the original website was no longer available. I wanted to keep a copy for reference, and what better place than on my own blog. I'm always looking up stuff and trying to find ways to keep myself motivated. It's been a bit of a slog this past year. But I'll get back to it, eventually. Maybe this will help. 

(The original post is here)

 Drawing tips from the great GARY PANTER!

INTRODUCTION

Get a book-size (or paperback-size)d sketchbook. Write your name and date on an early page and maybe think of a name for it — and if you want, write the book’s name there at the front. Make it into your little painful pal. The pain goes away slowly page by page. Fill it up and do another one. It can be hard to get started. Don’t flunk yourself before you get the ball rolling.

You might want to draw more realistically or in perspective or so it looks slick — that’s is possible and there are tricks and procedures for drawing with more realism if you desire it. But drawing very realistically with great finesse can sometimes produce dead uninteresting drawings — relative, that is, to a drawing with heart and charm and effort but no great finesse.

You can make all kinds of rules for your art making, but for starting in a sketchbook, you need to jump in and get over the intimidation part — by messing up a few pages, ripping them out if need be. Waste all the pages you want by drawing a tic tac toe schematic or something, painting them black, just doodle. Every drawing will make you a little better. Every little attempt is a step in the direction of drawing becoming a part of your life.

TIPS

1. Quickly subdivide a page into a bunch of boxes by drawing a set of generally equidistant vertical lines, then a set of horizontal lines so that you have between 6 and 12 boxes or so on the page. In each box, in turn, in the simplest way possible, name every object you can think of and draw each thing in a box, not repeating. If it is fun, keep doing this on following pages until you get tired or can’t think of more nouns. Now you see that you have some kind of ability to typify the objects in your world and that in some sense you can draw anything.

2. Choose one of the objects that came to mind that you drew and devote one page to drawing that object with your eyes closed, starting at the “nose” of the object (in outline or silhouette might be good) and following the contour you see in your mind’s eye, describing to yourself in minute detail what you know about the object. You can use your free hand to keep track of the edge of the paper and ideally your starting point so that you can work your way back to the designated nose. Don’t worry about proportion or good drawing this is all about memory and moving your hand to find the shapes you are remembering. The drawing will be a mess, but if you take your time, you will see that you know a lot more about the object than you thought.

3. Trace some drawings you like to see better what the artist’s pencil or pen is doing. Tracing helps you observe closer. Copy art you like — it can’t hurt.

4. Most people (even your favorite artists) don’t like their drawings as much as they want to. Why? Because it is easy to imagine something better. This is only ambition, which is not a bad thing — but if you can accept what you are doing, of course you will progress quicker to a more satisfying level and also accidentally make perfectly charming drawings even if they embarrass you.

5. Draw a bunch more boxes and walk down a sidewalk or two documenting where the cracks and gum and splotches and leaves and mowed grass bits are on the square. Do a bunch of those. That is how nature arranges and composes stuff. Remember these ideas — they are in your sketchbook.

6. Sit somewhere and draw fast little drawings of people who are far away enough that you can only see the big simple shapes of their coats and bags and arms and hats and feet. Draw a lot of them. People are alike yet not — reduce them to simple and achievable shapes.

7. To get better with figure drawing, get someone to pose — or use photos — and do slow drawing of hands, feet, elbows, knees, and ankles. Drawing all the bones in a skeleton is also good, because it will help you see how the bones in the arms and legs cross each other and affect the arms’ and legs’ exterior shapes. When you draw a head from the side make sure you indicate enough room behind the ears for the brain case.

8. Do line drawings looking for the big shapes, and tonal drawing observing the light situation of your subject — that is, where the light is coming from and where it makes shapes in shade on the form, and where light reflects back onto the dark areas sometimes.

9. To draw the scene in front of you, choose the middle thing in your drawing and put it in the middle of your page — then add on to the drawing from the center of the page out.

10. Don’t worry about a style. It will creep up on you and eventually you will have to undo it in order to go further. Be like a river and accept everything.

Recovering from Burnout

Recent addition to an old journaling project in a recycled children's board book. 

2023 was a stressful year for me. 

Of the “major life stressors”, I sure checked a lot of boxes in those last few months. Lost a job? Check. Death of a loved one? Check. Sell a home? Check again. Of course the home wasn’t one I lived in, my mom did, but I owned it and she had lived there quite a while and it was filled with memories. So yeah, that one was stressful too.

When my mom passed away suddenly, I quickly became aware that she she was struggling more than I had realized. I knew she was having mobility issues and was probably not going to be able to live on her own for much longer. What I didn't know is she had neglected some important things, and those things fell on me to sort out. It’s taken time and a lot of sleepless nights, but I’ve gotten a handle on it all…. I think…. and now I’m dealing with the exhaustion that comes from having so much happen in such a short timespan. So…. now what?

 Well, the job thing sorted itself out, so I’m good on that front. The condo sold quickly and I’ve dealt with the majority of my mom’s possessions. I’ve still got a few boxes hanging around to deal with, but the disaster zone in my own house has been more or less cleared out. The reduction of chaos certainly has helped my mindset.

Over the past several months I have completely stepped away from social media, and creating in general. It just didn’t seem important with everything else looming. It probably hurt my business more than I realize, but I had to do it for my mental health. Something had to give, and my art business was what I chose to put on the back burner. Of course stepping out of creative life has it’s drawbacks, and now that I’m ready to get back to it, finding a place to start has been a challenge. 

Artists tend to flock together, and a new artist friend proposed an opportunity that seemed perfectly timed. She suggested a shared journaling/bookmaking project, and since I felt ready to get back to creative life, I accepted the challenge. It’s still been difficult to get myself going. We set an approximate date for the first part to be completed, but when we had our check in I still hadn’t started. We pushed it out a few more weeks to accommodate my apathy, and I’m happy to report I’m almost there. Motivation is still really low, but it’s a task that can be broken down into small sections that I can tackle with a small time commitment, so that’s how I’m doing it… in small 10 minute chunks. 

I’ve also dug out a box of old journaling projects that I never got around to completing, and I plan to work through some of those in between this other project. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, and eventually I will get back to myself. It may be a different version of myself, but that’s ok. You can’t have a year like I had and not come out of it somewhat changed. 

I’m taking the year off from shows and art fairs so I can focus on learning and having fun. I have abandoned half finished paintings that I may or may not get back to, but I’m ignoring that for now and just doing what feels right. I may not go back to social media any time soon, but I will try to remember to post something from time to time, and to see what all my virtual friends are doing. Hope y’all have been having more fun than me.

Starting a new large painting

This will become one of my botanical pieces. I've already decided on a colour scheme, a general theme and what plants will be prominent. I'm starting work on a set of five large pieces that I can submit to local galleries for consideration. It's time for that I think. 

I've got a good memory, it's just really short

"Ballad of the Broken", 20x20 inch mixed media on wood

 

I'm getting old. 

In my head I still feel like I'm 30-something... but then something will happen that will slap me back to reality and I'll have to acknowledge that some things don't work quite as well as they used to. My memory is one. 

A few months ago I decided I needed to update my credit card reader that I use for art fairs. The old one still works, but it reads the stripe on the credit card and the new readers take the chip, tap and also accept debit card transactions. They're more secure and offer another choice for my customers. All good. So I go online and order the upgraded hardware. And the order is immediately cancelled. I don't have time to figure out why, so i put it on the back burner and on my list of things to do.

The list of things I need to do is fairly long. But I do get back to it a few weeks later and the same thing happens. And again a few weeks later. I submit a support ticket. Nothing happens. I don't have time and I have more important things to stress over, so I leave it. 

This week I'm determined to get a bunch of stuff done because I have Arts on the Credit coming up in a few weeks. I've got new work that I'm thinking is pretty good and might sell, so I really want to have that reader. I order, my order is cancelled. I submit another support ticket. This time I get an email back right away with a few basic questions. The first one: what email are you using to log into your account?

It dawns on me immediately..... I set up my account a decade ago, when I had a different domain and a different email address.  Jeezus, I can't be that dense, can I? I go back into my old email (I still use it on occasion for personal stuff) and sure enough, there are promotional emails there prompting me to upgrade my hardware. Sigh. So I go into my account and use the old email to order, and sure enough, it goes through. 

I also have 800 unread emails sitting there, so there's that. 

Anyway.....

I'll be at Arts on the Credit with my new collection of botanical inspired paintings, April 29-30, 2023.  Always a good show. If you come out, make sure you pop around and say hi. I'll be right by the door. 

Random People on the Internet

"Winter Blue", 20x20 mixed media on wood. Prints available on my website. 

 I've been making generous use of the block button recently. There was a time when blocking someone wasn't something that came to mind when I got a negative comment online. But with a growing audience, the occasional critical comment has become something else entirely. From people telling me to "give up and just get married", or that my work is "unoriginal" ( or better yet... "complete crap"), comments from random strangers has become something I've had to actively deal with, to make sure they don't mess with my head.

Comments on social media can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they can provide valuable insights and perspectives that we may not have considered before. On the other hand, they can be hurtful, offensive, or simply unproductive.

Here are some tips for dealing with random comments on social media:

Take a deep breath and remember that it's just the internet. It can be easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and take things personally, but it's important to remember that these comments are just words on a screen. They don't define who you are as a person.

Consider the source. If the comment is coming from someone you don't know, it's likely that they don't know you either. They may not understand the context or perspective that you're coming from. If the comment is coming from someone you do know, try to consider their intentions. Are they trying to be helpful or are they just trying to start an argument?

Carefully consider whether or not to engage. If the comment is inappropriate or offensive, it's okay to just ignore it. There's no obligation to engage with every comment that comes your way. It's perfectly fine to delete it and block the person... sometime that can be the best course of action. However, if the comment is well-intentioned and you feel like you can have a productive conversation, it could be in your best interest to consider responding. I've developed a few friendships with artists in other parts of the world that started with simply responding to a comment. And engagement on a social media post tells the algorithm that your content is interesting to your followers, and shows it to more people. 

Stay calm and respectful. Even if you disagree with someone's comment, it's important to stay respectful in your response. Avoid personal attacks or insults, and try to focus on the issue at hand. Getting angry and having a comment war doesn't achieve anything, and can affect your state of mind.

Take a break if you need to. If you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed by the comments you're receiving, it's okay to take a break from social media. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health.

Overall, it's important to remember that random comments on social media are just that – random. They don't define you, and you don't have to let them get to you. By staying calm, respectful, and taking care of yourself, you can effectively deal with random comments and keep your social media experience positive.