Art Journal: Class Demo

A demo I did in my recent class. Someone spotted a face in my random paint splatters, and I just went with it. I
think it looks vaguely Asian... like a kabuki mask. 

Over the month of March I taught a class at a local senior's centre. I wasn't so sure about the teaching thing... I'd done a couple workshops, but they were short enough that I couldn't really get to the core of my subject. It ended up being more like a step by step thing than an actual class where I imparted any kind of wisdom. This class was different... not only because I had more than a few hours to get all my information out, but because the class was based on the thing I have struggled with for most of my artistic life: how can we generate ideas?

That was always the thing that was my biggest stumbling block. When I was in school it was something we never touched on. Everyone else seemed to be overflowing with possibilities, while I doodled in my sketchbook and stared at my blank canvas wishing something... anything... would come to me. It really sucked. And it made me feel like I was somehow less than the others. Less of an artist. Not creative at all, in fact. And that, combined with all the other stuff... the brutal critiques, the absence of technical instruction, the complete lack of support... made me reluctant to label myself "artist". 

Twenty years later and I've figured out how my brain works. For me, anyway, it's about latching on to something that fascinates me, and working through all the crappy ideas until I get to the good stuff. Sometimes it takes a while. There's writing, there's reading. I am usually obsessed with something for a while before it starts coming out in my little books. The books themselves are like some little time-travel journey through my brain... a working through ideas until I hit on the thing that I think I can take somewhere interesting. I brought a pile of these journals with me on the first day of class, and everyone had a chance to take a good look while I babbled on about how important it was to work in a series so your ideas have a chance to percolate and the easiest, most obvious things get out of the way. It must have had some sort of impact, because everyone showed up on week two with a book started, and an idea ready to go.

One thing that really impressed me about this class was how open they were to everything. I have some pretty unorthodox ways of working, especially when I'm beginning a project... I start without any idea of what I'm going to do, I use all kinds of homemade and improvised tools, I work with what shows up rather than planning everything out. I'm a fan of painting over things that don't work. I got no resistance from this group. The tried everything. It was awesome.

I hope I'm like that when I'm "old". But you know, not one of them seemed old to me. Could be because I'm no youngster myself...the older I get the less a difference in age seems to mean. But I think it was more their spirit of adventure and openness to new ideas. That's the thing I need to hold on to.

Art Journals: Working through mistakes

An entry in my larger mask journal... I've got two going at the moment. This one is made from watercolour paper.

One think I like to do in my art journals is experiment. I come across a lot of different techniques in my reading and online exploration, and I've got a list of things I want to try. Sometimes it takes me ages to get around to trying something. Sometimes I try it out and like the effect, but it doesn't necessarily work with what I'm doing at the moment, so I set it aside until I need it.

This page started with an image transfer of a photo I found online. I didn't really remember how to do a transfer... It had been a while, and though I remembered the basics, I figured I should try it out and make sure I didn't forget something important before I included the technique in a workshop I was teaching. So I had my background painted and collage done, and placed the image where I wanted my transfer. The next day I took off the paper and... it looked pretty bad. The image I used had a lot of tone. I hadn't adjusted it to have more contrast. And my background was too dark. I could hardly see it. 

I decided I was going to figure out a way to make this work. I got out my paints and slowly built up the form... highlight, colour, highlight, colour... until I could see the image. He still looks like he's in the background. Maybe looking through a window? Or a ragged hole? So on the facing page I drew the mask, in the foreground. Almost like he had removed it and set it aside. I think I am satisfied with this page. It may not be particularly beautiful, but it speaks to me. 

I could have just as easily painted over the entire thing with gesso. It would actually have been a lot easier to do that. But I think what was there wasn't awful, it just wasn't what I had planned. By looking and thinking and figuring out a way to make it work I not only salvaged the page, I created something unique that would communicate something about my life. And that's what art is. 

Art Journal entry: Transformations...

Art Journal entry. Collage, acrylic and water soluble crayon. 

Art Journals can be a weird thing... the point is to work intuitively, and what comes out is supposed to tell you something about yourself, right? Like art therapy. Years ago, I took a class at a local college called "Experiential Art", and the instructor was a certified art therapist. It was an interesting experience, even if I couldn't quite let myself just create. My brian stepped in and put a halt to whatever might have been trying to come out... or maybe it was the 3 years of having the "rules" drilled into me I just couldn't create without thinking composition, or focal point. As I was told... a few times... I just needed to relinquish control. But I couldn't do it.

One of the masks at
the McMichael exhibit.

Fast forward 15 years, and here I am again... trying to just let things happen. It's better than it used to be. My collage is random, my colour choices are intuitive, my drawing without any kind of plan. I pick a subject out of thin air, and get to work.

This journal started life as a children's book. It was called "Where's Spot?", and each page had an illustration of a puppy hiding somewhere in a room. This page said "Is he in the piano?" You can still see the copy showing through a bit in the top left. The collage was bits of newspaper text, and some headline copy reading DON'T HIDE. When I went back to the page a week or so later, I drew the mask on the page without any real attention to what was already there. I just got to work.

I was recently at an exhibit of First Nations art at a local gallery. I was completely captivated by the masks. Lucky for me, I was allowed to take photos. I'm sure I'll be using them as inspiration for years. Anyway... there was a docent at the gallery with whom I had a long conversation about the symbolic significance of the masks to the indigenous people. I have been thinking about masks as a way of hiding oneself from the world, but they saw their masks as something different... a symbol of transformation.

If I look at my page in this light, I see something completely different. I guess it's my subconscious telling me to stop hiding and step into the light... life is changing but it's not bad, it's just different. It's my time for transformation.

I guess I finally managed to relinquish control. Wonder if I'll be able to do it again.

The SideKick

Another Mask... Acrylic paint, paint pen, collage and water soluble crayon in a recycled children's board book.

A couple months ago I came across a new term in one of the art journaling groups I belong to on Facebook. Someone posted something from their "sidekick" journal. I had never heard this before... but since then it has come up again and again.

I have never taken a class on the "proper" way to make an art journal. I got a book out of the library, I watched a couple videos online, I was lucky enough to win one of Orly Avineri's books in an online contest. I figured hell, it's a journal... how can I do it wrong? The thing with that kind of approach is that you sometimes miss enough you feel like everyone else is in on some secret that has completely eluded you. That's how it was with this whole sidekick thing... though it didn't take me long to figure it out. It's pretty much just what you think it would be: another journal, used as a kind of assistant to the main one.

How I usually work is like this: I have a canvas on my easel. Sometimes two, depending on the size. That is what I am working on at the moment. I usually have another painting or two on the go, so when I get stuck I just move on to something else. My art journal and a few sheets of primed paper are on my work table, along with my drawing tools, my sketchbook, and my brushes. I usually work on something small as a warm-up or if I don't have a lot of time. If I need to work in my journal (to help my mood or state of mind), that usually happens before I get into the bigger stuff. That's something I seem to have been subconsciously avoiding since my father died. I'm trying to make more of an effort because I know it's helpful. I have a shelf full of little books that I work in... one pile has completed books, one pile books I intend to use but haven't, and usually a few that are in progress. I have my "found poetry" book, which has maybe 3 blank spreads, a book made of watercolour paper that has only one spread done but which I had no particular theme in mind, my bird book which is full but needs a cover, and this one that I started and abandoned last year. I have no idea which is my main journal and which is my sidekick.

Maybe my journaling process as a whole is a sidekick. An assistant to my painting in general. That's kind of how I go about it, actually. I go to the journals when I don't know what to paint, or when I don't feel I'm in the right state of mind to work on what I've got going. When I'm in between projects my books get a lot of attention... I work intuitively until I stumble on something I want to pursue. Last year I did an entire book on the theme of grids, just because I wanted to work in a compositional format I didn't really understand. I don't know if that is supposed to be the purpose of an art journal... so maybe what I do isn't really art journaling. I use text, but not the way most people do. I don't write out quotes, or inspirational thoughts... or even leave the text as readable. I scrawl out my thoughts about the subject over my background, then cover it up with my imagery. I don't want to reread it... and I most certainly don't want anyone else reading it. I just put it there so it's clear in my mind what I'm thinking.

Whatever it is I am doing, I intend to keep doing it. It's good for me to have a place to work on stuff that is just for me... work I have no intention of showing or selling. Maybe I will have an open studio at some point, and I'll put my completed books out for people to peruse, just so those interested can have an idea of how I get to my finished paintings. Or maybe not. That's one decision I can avoid making... at least for now.

Art Journal: The Mask We Hide Behind

My latest art journal: an 8 page book, hand made from cold-press watercolour paper. Acrylic paint, paint pen, collage,
and water soluble crayons.

Last week a friend and co-worker died suddenly. The news was greeted with complete disbelief. Everyone at work walked around in a daze. He was here, and then he was not. Just like that. I had known this man for about 12 years. Maybe longer... hard to remember exactly after so long. But at the moment, with the events surrounding his death, I'm pretty sure I didn't know him well at all.

All this got me thinking about how we hide parts of ourselves from the people around us. I remember someone once telling me they loved working with me because I was so easy going. Uh... what??? Easy going is one thing I am not. Just ask my husband. Or my mom. But in that environment, with those people, it made more sense to be the easy going worker bee that did whatever was asked. I didn't even think about it. I just did it. Now there is the whole social media thing... who posts stuff about how much they hate their job, or the bad hair cut, or the $50 they wasted on something that didn't turn out to be quite as advertised? No one, that's who. It's all a performance aimed at making us look good in the eyes of others. It's a mask. One that only comes off in private.

Masks have always held some kind of strange fascination for me. I love going to the museum and looking at old, carved wooden masks from all over the world. I even have a couple in my home bought from a local carver. I have a pinterest board devoted to them. I've read books about native folklore and the reasons for the various ceremonial masks. It's fascinating.  I was thinking of starting a series of small portraits of my various coworkers (I work at a large company... I wouldn't run out of subjects for a very long time), but now I'm wondering if I can somehow combine that with my love of masks? Don't know, but I may do a few more of these in my journal... just to see.

Life Lesson: Dealing with a Crazy Maker

First entry in my art journal in a long time.... I have a new, larger book for 2016, but I thought I'd finish the
one I had going already before I start it. 

A lot has happened in the last year. Enough that I'm doing the annual look-back-at-my-life thing and questioning what I'm doing. One big thing for me right now is my job... I have to have some kind of employment, mainly because I think turning art into my main source of income might suck the joy out of it for me, making me focus more on what sells than on self-expression. There are things about my job that I really dislike, a big one being a coworker who takes out her unhappiness on whoever happens to be on hand, and that person is often me. It's rough bearing the brunt of someone else's discontent... I have enough of my own to deal with, thank you very much. Her very presence stresses me out, not just when she's pitching a fit about something, but even when she's calm... I know it can't last and it's the proverbial calm before the storm. So, I walk on eggshells around her, waiting for the next attack, and I'm tired of it.

For the most part, I have a decent job. I've been there a long time. It would be a shame to have to leave because of one person. With our upcoming "open concept" workspace (which happens tomorrow... yipee) it's going to be a little tougher to avoid her... my primary method of dealing with the issue for the past couple years.  I'm trying to not anticipate the worst. But I'm really good at anticipating the worst. Really good.

I try my best to have some compassion for this woman... we have been friends at various points over the past 15 years, so I know a bit of her history and understand that she is a very smart person in a job that must be, after so many years, boring as hell. She's not horrible, just unhappy. But its one of those situations where compassion will only get you so far. I know you're miserable, but this is not my fault. The only one who can deal with the situation is you. Saying that out loud has gotten me where I am today... on the shit-list. At least I think that's what did it. She didn't actually say. One day we were ok, the next I was (apparently) too stupid to live. Sigh. I guess I should have know how my observations would be received. Even if it is true, it's not the kind of thing people appreciate hearing, especially when they are fuming about something they deem to be out of their control.

At the moment, I don't have much power to control the situation. I don't want to go the contrite route. I may have pointed out the elephant in the room, but I didn't put it there. I can try to be more careful with my words... which right now is easy because we don't talk unless absolutely necessary. I do my best not to resent that management won't deal with it. I wear my headphones so I can't hear the snarky comments and choose to ignore it when she treats me like I don't exist. Those passive-aggressive notes that get left on my desk get dropped directly into the recycling, and the emails deleted. But I still went into fight-or-flight mode when I saw the most recent seating plan and realized they had put me directly beside her. There is only so much I can handle.

After a few days of intense self-reflection, I understand that my reaction to her attempts to manipulate me have everything to do with me, and not much to do with her. I've taken issue with people trying to control me for as long as I can remember... which has, on occasion, resulted in self-sabotage purely out of spite. I won't do that this time. I have to carefully weigh my options and decide if it's best to wait her out or to cut my losses and move on. I guess I should, at the very least, give this new workspace a try. Sometimes things can surprise you.

New Abstract Painting: Under a Copper Moon

"Under the Copper Moon", 9x9" Mixed Media on paper. Available.

I'm tired. It's been a busy week. My boy is writing his first set of University exams, so he has been holed up in his room studying pretty much non-stop. Work has been insanely busy and I've been there late pretty much every night this week. My Christmas tree has about 5 decorations on it, and there is all of one gift underneath. In my normal life, I am one for planning ahead... and because I get freaked out in crowds, I have all my Christmas shopping done before December rolls around, my freezer is full of Xmas baking and I know exactly where we're going to be having dinner, or who will be arriving at my door.

This year, my life is chaos. I don't do well with chaos.

I'm doing my best to take a step back and not take on any responsibilities that are not mine. I'm trying (not always successfully) not to freak out about missed deadlines at work, because dealing with the deadlines is someone else's job. I have no shows planned, I have very little work out and about, and I am trying to make sure I get some exercise and outside time every day. I have until the spring to sort myself out... and by then I have to be back on my game. I've got classes to teach, I've got art fairs to attend to.

Anxiety has been one of those things that is ever-present in my life. Over the years I have developed strategies to cope with it. I plan for contingencies. I try to go with whatever is happening in the moment. I focus on letting go of things that aren't important. I try not to take on more than I can reasonably handle. Working in an art journal had seemed to help me sort myself out in the past... and yet that's the one thing I seem to be resisting this time around.

There it is.... Resistance rearing it's ugly head.

I know resistance is usually a signal that I'm heading in the right direction. Have you read "The War of Art"? It's an interesting look at the psychology of creating, from the point of view of an artist. Certainly worth a read... especially for anyone suffering creative block. Anyway... my point is that I need to get my shit together and do something that is going to help my mental state, and I'm pretty sure that should be starting a new art journal. Finding a book that speaks to me will be this week's project. I suppose. Even having said it out loud, I now feel the need to backpedal so I can procrastinate a little longer. Sigh.

Looking at the positive things... I now have a new-to-me vehicle. It's a little Mazda 3 hatchback, with plenty of space to haul around my gear. It has a few quirks... but all cars do when they get older. For the most part it's nice to drive, is pretty good on gas, has an input jack for my music, and is an automatic so my boy can drive it. Check, check and check. Thank goodness for something going right.

Found Poetry: Taking Risks

It's amazing what you can find out when you take a chance and do something completely out of your realm.

Life has been incredibly busy lately. It's my own fault. I know this time of year is busy with my son and his school stuff, performances and the like, but still I signed myself up for not one, but two night school classes. Well, technically, only one is school, as the other one is held outside. On the water. In a kayak.

I'm not what one would call athletic. But my husband is. His current obsession is training for a
triathlon. Every morning he gets up before dawn and spends a couple hours either running or cycling or both. Every week he's out to the local pool a couple times, and weather permitting, swimming in Lake Ontario (there's actually a group that gets together and swims in the lake. Considering the temperature, and I'm sure that water has only just thawed, I think they're a little bit crazy). The only reason for me to put my butt in a kayak is that I don't want him to go out into the lake alone. I will get into that tippy little boat and paddle around within sight, so he has some kind of help should he run into difficulty. And there is no way in hell I'm swimming in the lake.

My starting point at the canoe club on the Credit River.

I'm 4 weeks into my class and I have discovered something interesting. I like it. Not just a little, I really like it. We go out onto the credit river and head north... it's incredible how quiet it is out there, considering it's in the middle of a fairly large city. The class is small and we are all going at different speeds, so there are moments when I look around and am more or less alone out there. There are birds and other wildlife (saw a groundhog this week, and two weeks ago I was attacked by nesting red-winged blackbirds), and I have gotten to see the sun set every week so far. Wish I had my camera with me so I could get a photo... but every time I get in I'm certain this will be the week I end up in the river, so I make sure I'm electronics free. That in itself is kind of nice.

Being as busy as I've been I haven't had a lot of time to get into my studio. I have to do something or I'll go a little nutty, so I've gotten out my art journals and my sketchbook. My found poetry journal still has a couple empty pages, so that's always a good place to start. This entry just kind of presented itself, the way these things tend to do. I think the message holds for me in my creative life as well as my day to day... I need to try different things and stretch myself, and I can just never tell what I might discover.

One Artist's way of Dealing with Burn-Out

Page from my art journal. I covered the page with chaos, then tried to calm it down....

This week I think I let life get the better of me. It's been a stressful month. House stuff happened (plumbing issues and the resulting mess), work stuff happened (insane deadlines), car stuff happened (in the last couple months, a new muffler, new battery, new alternator. Holy $$$. The perils of relying on a 12 year old car.). By last week I was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and completely burnt out. It's amazing how fast it happened... but thinking about it, I've been dealing with work stuff for at least 6 months now, I had the stress of an art show and two days of talking to strangers (not my strong suit... I'm getting better at it, but I still find it completely exhausting), and I haven't been feeling my best. I've been burning the candle at both ends for a while, so I suppose at some point it was bound to catch up with me.

Here's a shot of the page in it's initial stages. I think
my feelings of anxiety come through pretty strongly...

Usually when this happens I can get myself back on track fairly quickly. I go into my studio, put on some music and paint. Just pushing colour around, playing with shapes, no particular outcome in mind. It's almost like a spiritual experience. A couple hours in "the zone", and I'm good as new.

How is it that when I'm in the midst of an anxiety-induced meltdown I cannot remember this?

I have a few other things that help me out when I get completely stressed. They don't actually solve any of the problems, but they help my state of mind so I can look at things a bit more clearly. In then end I've still got the bills, the mess and the deadlines, but I'm in better shape to cope with it, and not end up curled up in a ball in front of the TV, paralyzed by panic.

Here's my list (which I suppose I should print out and tape to my studio wall...):

• Exercise. Going to the gym, getting out on my bike, even just a good, brisk walk helps my mental state enormously. Alone is best. Gives me time to think things over, or even forget about them temporarily... out of my head and into my body kind of thing. This is especially helpful if I'm angry about something. Quite literally, I'm working it out. This isn't always easy, since rainy damp weather can make me ache all over. But it really is time for me to get back into some sort of routine.

• Write. As in stream-of-conciousness, not always making sense kind of writing. I'm not a journal keeper, though I've tried many times over the years. Anyone who has worked their way through Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" will know that daily journaling is one of her key ideas. I've tried to do this as a regular thing, but I just can't seem to manage it. I know it helps... I should try to set aside time on a daily basis.

• Cook. My husband has come to realize that when he comes home to a meal that has required hours of preparation, or an abundance of baked goods cooling on the counter, that something has gone very wrong somewhere. Not sure what it is about cooking that I find soothing... maybe it's the repetitiveness of the chopping/stirring. The only issue is I then have to find the will power to not eat all the stuff I just made. In one sitting.

• Act like a child. Sometimes I will make stuff that goes directly into the garbage. It's incredibly juvenile, but I will draw pictures of people that piss me off, and give them horns, a tail, a whacked-out hairdo. Then put them in a boat being circled by sharks. Or draw them being eaten by a gigantic lizard. It's silly, but strangely, it helps.

One thing I just can't do is do nothing, which is what people will often tell me I need. Take a day off, they say. Just chill, they say. Nope. Can't do it. With everything that needs to get done sitting there staring at me, not doing anything just makes matters worse. I can't relax. I spend the time making mental lists and trying to figure out how to get everything done, and getting pissed off at myself for not being able to relax. I guess that's why holidays away are good... being away removes the need to get whatever it is I'm stressing about done RIGHT NOW. Maybe it's time to schedule a weekend somewhere calm and peaceful. Try to unwind a bit before the summer starts so I can enjoy it. And after this endless, freezing winter, I need summer. Kinda like right now.

February Blahs...

From my art journal. I think the weather is getting to me….

I'm tired.

Happens sometimes. Usually in February. I'm just so sick of everything. Sick of work. Sick of the crappy weather. The cold. The snow. The total lack of sun.

It's an odd thing... I'm usually pretty driven. I'm one of those people who is always doing something. Always have a project on the go, often two or three at a time. My schedule is packed. And then it will just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I just don't see the point in doing it anymore. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep until it passes.

This is my local weather. Some days I can't believe I live here voluntarily.

Making Connections

I'm getting near the end of my "Patterns and Grids" book... but I think I'm about ready to move onto a
large piece anyway. This one is acrylic paint and collage.

I was sitting in my car last week with the radio on... stuck in traffic, of course... listening to yet another discussion about public transit in Toronto. For those of you in the area, you know this is an ongoing problem that doesn't seem to have any solution. On and on it goes... subways, light rail, busses, streetcars, blah, blah, blah. We need something, but there's no money. God, I'm so tired of it.

"Aerial View", 9x12" Acrylic on Paper

Like many other major cities, Toronto is laid out in a grid. Streets either run North-South or East-West, and if you know which way the street goes, you can't get lost. I was thinking about grid-lock when I finally saw it... grids connecting one thing to another, like lines on a map. Then repeat. Patterns and grids are all about repetition and connection. Now I know my direction.

I did the above spread in my Grids book using bits from a map I had in my stash o' stuff. The colours are the similar to my yellow spread from a couple weeks ago, only toned down considerably. I was still thinking about connections when I did this second piece on paper. It was already started, but I had lost it along the way. (Hooray, I used another thing from the pile!) It was a very bright blue/green when I started, but I was really feeling the muted tones, so I went with it. Sometimes when you start something you have no idea how things are going to work out.

Patterns and Grids | On and on and on...

4th spread in my "Patterns and Grids" workbook... almost looks like an arial
view, or a map of some sort.

I noted in last weeks entry that I never use pink. Since I'm in experimentation mode, I figured, why not? So, with a full jar of magenta paint, I went about trying to create something in pink. I actually didn't have a clue where to start. What colours work with pink??? The final product is actually leaning a bit toward purple, but that's ok... that's not a colour I use much either.

It's not horrible... I got some interesting textures in areas, and I like the magenta with the green, though it would probably be a bit more interesting if I brought out the yellow bits a bit more. I shuffled through a pile of 9x12" pieces on paper I had started but never gotten around to finishing, and found one with some purple and yellow in it, and went on from there. I think this one is more successful. The blocks aren't quite so blocky, which gives it a looser feel. And there is more variation in the shapes, giving a cityscape kind of look. Put on a white matte, this one actually looks pretty good. Well, whadya know.....

"The View from Here"  9x12" Acrylic on paper.

Patterns and Grids | Continuing on a theme

I'm continuing to work in my "Patterns and Grids" workbook. I decided to add in another challenge by working in a dominant colour I never use. I had a full jar of primary yellow I had bought for a class and never even opened....mainly because I think it's an ugly colour. Bright, acidic yellow.  Reminds me of antifreeze. Maybe if I just add in a bit of magenta (another colour I rarely use. Not a pink kind of person)..... Yep, that works....

3rd spread in my Patterns and Grids book. For my pattern I used black paint on a piece of bubble wrap. I used the same thing on my blue pages, but by the time I was finished it was completely obscured. I like that this one was lighter in value.... most things I paint tend to be oppressively dark. It's hard for me to get away from that. 

Oddly enough, I think this one is quite a bit more successful than my last couple. Maybe I'm getting the hang of the whole grid thing... or maybe just not thinking of it quite so rigidly.

My 2015 entry to the Twitter Art Exhibit

I had a fair bit of paint leftover, so I took a postcard size piece and painted a little abstracted landscape using the same colour combo. I think I will send this one in for the Twitter Art Exhibit... I had wanted to do something for that, but had forgotten about it until I got a little reminder from organizer David Sandum. A note to artists: if you haven't participated in this event before, read through the call and consider it. Proceeds always support a good cause, your work gets shared globally across social networking sites, and the show/sale itself is a well attended event. It isn't an auction and the works sell for a set price, so it doesn't devalue the work the way many charity events do. It's worth looking into.

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For those that missed it, I was a guest on "Talking Art" this week, the live Google+ hangout hosted by +Arizona Lowe and +Tammy Cook. I haven't watched the replay yet... I trust someone would have told me if I had stopped making sense somewhere along the line. I was tired, and it had been a very long day. Really nice people, and they seem to have a lot of fun on their show. It was lovely to be asked to join them.

Patterns and Grids | Part 2

Second entry in my "Patterns and Grids" workbook. Better than the first... I'm curious to see where this is going....

My second foray into the world of patterns and grids was a bit more successful than my first. I tried to remember the basic principles I had learned in the non-objective workshops I took last year…. big shapes, balanced division of space, neutralizing the color scheme… seems to have worked to an extent. This spread I am actually happy with. While it doesn't necessarily "feel" like my work, it is more painterly than what I managed to produce last week. Progress.

This is where I started off... Funny how everything I
do seems to end up dark. Maybe I need to start with
white and go from there...

I didn't want to start with too much of a plan… this is a "sketchbook", after all (and planning is really not my thing). I did a rough breakdown of the space and got out the paint. I used bubble wrap for my patterned area, but by the end I had painted over it. If you look closely you can still kind of see it. 

Looking at my finished product, I may have to rethink going on to a painting after only doing the 6 spreads in this book. I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this… focus on texture maybe or figuring out some other angle. This doesn't seem like I could make it interesting enough to be 40" wide. Maybe I'll get out my pen and my (other) sketchbook and see what other ideas I can come up with.

Confessions of an Art Supply Hoarder

Artists are hoarders.

Every artist I know has a stash of stuff.... be it papers, paint, brushes, collage papers, markers, crayons, other drawing tools, books, pastels, texture mediums.... We love art supply stores. We buy stuff not having the slightest idea how we're going to use it. I myself have a sizable stash, though not nearly as large as some other people I know.  Still, I will struggle to do something on cheap paper that falls apart, when there are sheets of heavy cold-press paper I've had for 5 years and not used. It's silly.

Only a small sampling of my art gear...

When I was cleaning up my studio recently, I came across a few small books I had made out of watercolour paper with the intention of using them as art journals. But I didn't know how to art journal, so instead of actually using them, I figured I'd get something cheap and learn how first, and THEN I'd use them. So I went to my local Goodwill and picked up a few kids board books, which I've been using ever since. My lovely hand-made "journals" never got used. I also have a pile of blank 30x40" canvases leaning up against a wall in my studio. I bought them on sale for a fantastic price, but I thought I'd save them for when my work was better, and could do something awesome on them. They've been sitting there over a year. At this rate, I'll be 90 before I think I'm good enough to do something that large. Silly.

I got a book for Christmas by Sue Bleiweiss called "The Sketchbook Challenge". It is a part of an online project that includes a blog, and provides themes to inspire your creativity. As usual, I'm late to the party... seems the blog ran for a few years but is no longer going to be active. Still, there are a couple years worth of monthly themes to work from... certainly enough to keep anyone going for a while. I've never really been one to keep a sketchbook... I get a new one every year and use it mainly when I travel. Pen and ink doodles, notes, quick line drawings of compositions I see that strike me. Mine are not these lovely moleskin books filled with beautiful drawings like you see online. I think of myself primarily as a painter, and most sketchbooks don't have heavy enough paper to paint in. Even after using gesso on the pages they still tend to fall apart when subjected to my abuse. But wait... I've got those watercolour books.....

As part of my one and only 2015 resolution to USE UP THE STASH, I chose a theme from the book that is out of my usual realm, got out one of my books and did my first pages. The two pages together are roughly the same proportions as my large canvas, so my plan is to work the 6 spreads in the book on the theme, choose one that works for me, and use it to create a large painting. The theme I chose is PATTERNS AND GRIDS... completely out of my comfort zone. I found this theme incredibly difficult to paint... and I find sharing this difficult,  mainly because I think it's crap. But the thing about art... you have to do the crap to get to the good stuff. I'll keep going, it's not that big a commitment. And I have my Cab Calloway painting in progress to go to when I need a break from all this uncomfortable stuff.

First spread in my Patterns and Grids workbook. The "pattern" is a stamp I carved years ago... probably too big for this size painting. The "grid" thing is too rigid for me, but hey, it's my book so I can use it as I see fit, right? Maybe I can do more a series of overlapping blocks... anyway, I'll think about it and make it work somehow....

Art Journaling: Found Poetry

Transformed by experience. Does that explain the big picture?

The wonders of the internet age.

Since I signed up for my first social media account many years ago, I have reconnected with many people I had know over the course of my life... friends from high school and university, one time neighbours, co-workers from jobs held over the course of my life. Some of these people I had been quite close to at one time, but life took us on different paths. After the initial "what have you been up to for the last 10 years" conversation, we kind of settle into something new, and discover who we are now by the things we choose to share.

It's amazing how many people I had spent a lot of time with in the past had no idea that I was into art. I get "oh really? You paint???" And after a while I often will get a "you've really changed"...

Well, yes actually, I have. We all have. We can't help it... things happen and it effects us, and it changes how we look at the world. We are what we have lived, and how we choose to interpret these experiences shapes our outlook. Change, for me, is most definitely a good thing.

I love this found poetry exercise (I posted the details of the exercise on a previous post)... every time I do one of these I look at what I've put together and try to see how it relates to what is going on in my life. It always does.... somehow.

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As it is two weeks until Christmas and I've got a whole lot of work to get done between now and then, I've decided to give myself a little blogging break. I'll be back in the new year with my regular Sunday morning posts, and some new work to share. I'll be continuing with my Jazz Legends series on Global Vernissage ... I'm doing 12 portraits in this series, and right now I'm working through number 4 (Count Basie). I've got the next couple planned, but am open to suggestions for the remaining few. I'm trying to keep it limited to the early days of jazz... particularly the black performers that made up the scene in Harlem in the 20s-40s. Leave any suggestions in the comments.  :)

The stuff we find when we clean up...

New entry in my Found Poetry Art Journal completed this week... Inspiration approached me, and insisted
on complete freedom. Sounds very appropriate to me.  

I made an attempt to clean up my studio this week. It's a mess... it's a very small room with a whole lot of stuff in there. And I can't find anything. Hence the clean up.

As happens sometimes, I got distracted while sorting through my pile of books. I found one of my old little recycled books that I had forgotten about. I had started it to do a creative exercise called "found poetry". I thought I had posted those images before, but I can't seem to find them... I guess after a couple years of blog posts it was bound to happen. I didn't understand about labels and tags when I started, so most of my first year is uncatagorized. Oh well. It happens.

You look, one more time. Taken inside stories, it's inspired adaptation is but a delicate stretch.

I got this exercise from a book by LK. Ludwig. What you do is this: cut out words and phrases from anything... magazines, newspapers, books, flyers... whatever. I edit when I do this. No brand names or such stuff. I've got a bowl I keep on my worktable full of these little slips of paper. I pull out a bunch of words at random, and try to put them together in some way that holds meaning. Once I have my "poem", I paint my page and collage everything together. It's a pretty fun exercise, and great when I don't have a lot of time but I want to do something.

Sunset intimacies challenge identities lost and found

Beyond sunrise border crossings, everything is good. Finally...

So, now my studio is nice and tidy... or kinda tidy anyway. And I can get back to work. But I might do a couple more of these first...

Art Journaling: Good Enough

I am a perfectionist. 

I admit it. It's one of those things that I try to change about myself, but I can't. I want things perfect. If I can see that something isn't quite right, I can't seem to leave it alone. It drives me crazy. And it gets in the way. Nobody else is going to notice that this shade of red is not quite what i wanted, or that the shape of his lower lip isn't quite round enough. Nobody can tell. Except me. It's not right, dammit, and I have to fix it. 

As I've been told many times, "the perfect is the enemy of the good". It's true. If everything didn't have to be perfect, I would get SO much more done. But is seeking to improve a bad thing? Shouldn't we all try to be better in whatever we're doing? It's a tough question... when is good, good enough?

This particular spread started out ok. Then, and I have no idea why, I went over all the lovely textural bits with oil pastel. Ick... that didn't really work. So what do I do? I figure I can take it off with solvent. Oh, yes, that worked well. The paint just kind of... melted. It turned in to a big puddle of mucky, grey goop. Not knowing what else to do, I just put it away. Went on to do something else.

Now that I'm nearing the end of this book, I'd really like to finish it up. It was time to deal with the mess I'd made (I really should have taken a before photo... it was really and truly ugly). The goo I had before had dried, so I did my journaling in white paint pen over that and then went over that with acrylic. I set a timer and did a quick 10-minute self-portrait using a phone photo. I had to set the timer because I know I could easily spend an hour trying to get a likeness, when that really wasn't what was important. It doesn't look like me, but for 10 minutes, its acceptable.

Almost done my "Advice from the Inside" Visual Journal. Second to last spread! Yay!!

Not too bad a save in the end. The only real issue is that the paint scrapes off the oil/acrylic mix underneath... actually I'm pretty sure the pages will stick together when I close it and I'll lose chunks when I pry it open again, but whatever. It's good enough...which, oddly, was the initial phrase that I started with.

When Things Get Ugly

It's been a tough week for Canadians. On Monday, a suspected terrorist ran his car into another vehicle occupied by two Canadian soldiers, killing one and injuring the other. Then on Wednesday, an unarmed soldier standing guard at our National war memorial outside the federal parliament buildings was shot to death, leading to our capital city being locked down for much of the day. There's not much I can say about this that hasn't already been said, and said much more eloquently than I ever could. My heart breaks for these men and their families. When they are home, they should be safe. My, how the world has changed.

Photo by Derek Nighbor, posted on Twitter

There are military people in my family. My brother-in-law is stationed in Ottawa right now. My nephew is away on a training exercise. I can't even imagine how this has affected them. Its a tough enough job without having to look over your shoulder when you are home.

The outpouring of emotion by the country these past few days has been incredibly moving. When Nathan Cirillo's body was brought back to his home town of Hamilton from Ottawa, there were crowds gathered on every overpass waving Canadian flags. There have been memorials set up in both Ottawa and Hamilton. There are photos online everywhere. We all want to say thank you.

As an artist, I did what I do when life gets to be a bit much.... I went into my studio, closed the door, and painted. It's not exactly pretty, but I think it says what I was feeling.

Art journal page created in response to the Ottawa shooting. 

Advice from the Inside: An Art Journaling Exercise

So, I've been working away in this visual journal for the last few weeks, but seems I have been avoiding the cover. Not really sure why... but as I went along and filled page after page, the cover stayed white with the ghost image of the original illustration showing through the gesso. The book is almost done now... I have two pages left to finish up. I figured it was time to finally tackle this.

I really have no clue how most people go about deciding what to put on the covers of their journals. I've read blogs where the cover is done first, articles on how to cover your book with interesting papers, and seen store bought journals that had the cover ready made. The only other book I've worked on I used a stencil and molding paste for a raised pattern and put in some hand lettering. But that was years ago, and my style has evolved since then. I wanted this cover to reflect what was inside.

Cover of my 2014 visual journal. I committed to doing this early this summer, and I'm almost done. It's taken
longer than I thought it would, but it's been fun. And maybe I've stumbled on a new direction to take my work. 

I decided I should treat my cover the same way I worked on the inner pages. I started with a black marker and did my writing directly on the gesso. Subsequent layers of paint has completely obliterated it. That wasn't intentional, it's just the way it worked out. The colours were what I had on my palette already, as with my other pages. The image had been cut out a few weeks ago, but I never used it for what I was working on, and the words were already cut up and sitting in a little bowl (I know that's kind of weird... it's something I use when I'm stuck. I pick a word at random out of my bowl, and use that as inspiration to draw from. I've gotten some interesting ideas this way). Put together, it seems to work. And describes exactly what this book is about.

So to the journalers out there: how do you handle the cover of your books? Post links to your own blogs or facebook images... I'd love to see how other artists determine what should go on the outside of their journals.