Where the Music Came From: Working through Depression with Art

"Building Theologies of Metal and Earth", 10x10" mixed media on 1.5" wood cradle panel. Available.

There was a time in my life when I was a really unhappy person. Around that time, we had just discovered that even though I was able to produce one perfect little being, the process was something that could never be repeated. And because of issues with childcare, I was working part-time on an afternoon shift where I got very little sleep and even less social contact (with the exception of my son, who was a joy, but talking to an adult now and then may have helped my mental state). I also have an issue with chronic pain, and for a while that pain seemed pretty unbearable. That on it's own was pretty exhausting. Sleep deprived, feeling like crap, and being the primary care-giver to a young child left very little time or energy for the pursuit of things like art, so like a responsible adult, I put my paints away and settled in for a life centred around taking care of other people's needs.

After a few years of this... and the chronic exhaustion that came along for the ride, my doctor put me on an anti-depressant, sent me to a psychologist, and gave me a reading list of books that might help me out. I tried desperately to remember things I enjoyed... before. Music had been a huge part of my life up until all this had happened. I had played a couple instruments, and had recorded music playing all the time. I decided this would be a starting point, and from there I eventually found my way back to my art, and through a lot of trial and error, figured out a way to make it work within in the constraints of my life.

"Chasing the Gypsy", 16x20" Acrylic on Canvas. Available.

My series of musician and dancer paintings evolved naturally. I had started drawing again, and gotten into art journaling while listening to music. Learning to work intuitively, I found jazz led me to paint bright, happy images and made me feel better over all, so I continued with it until I found my groove. By the time the series was done (which consisted of about 50 paintings in all), I was pretty much back to my old self and excited about life again.

These days, whenever I feel like I just can't deal, I head into the studio. It has not only become a regular part of my life, it is the way I express everything. I have art journals and sketchbooks that I work in when I only have limited time, and I work on my larger pieces at least a couple times a week.

With everything that's been going lately, it feels like the world is on a path to self destruction. Between the fires in Australia and last week's events in Iran, it would be easy to slide into pessimism and darkness. One of my coworkers at my day job had people on that plane, so it's hit a bit close to home for me. Every one of us has been shaken up... it's been a little too easy to imagine what it would be like to be standing in her shoes. How does one even begin to support someone in that situation? It's so tragic... I imagine it will take her years to recover some semblance of normalcy, if she ever does.

There have been numerous studies focused around how creating helps people heal from trauma and loss.  I hope, eventually, my coworker finds her way to some kind of healing, and if I can help with that by giving a little creative guidance, I will.